<h1 class="left">In 2023, I made a video arguing that ‘sexy clothes’ do not make women ‘fair game’. The backlash was staggering. My social media analytics recorded 1.8 million messages that week, most of which were gender-specific abusive and threatening messages, an average of approximately 2,58,000 threats and slurs per day. In India, discussions around consent and bodily autonomy are even more contentious than the already-taboo topics of sex and pleasure, because these concepts challenge existing power dynamics, shifting control away from entrenched patriarchy and demanding greater accountability from men.</h1>
<h1 class="left">One of my biggest challenges has been in encouraging women, conditioned to suppress their needs, to join the conversation around consent and pleasure. For instance, many women admit to /secretly consuming my content on social media but avoid openly following or commenting for fear of being perceived as ‘sluts.’ In exercising and asserting their sexual agency, there is still an ingrained fear that perhaps this is ‘against our culture,’ rendering the abuse valid. This is still a society where coarse, graphic, innuendo-laden humour is somewhat acceptable, but a serious conversation about pleasure is unacceptable.</h1>
<h1 class="left">The field of sex education is almost exclusively female-led, with no prominent male influencers explicitly building awareness, enhancing pleasure, and promoting safety. Even men with insulated, large platforms and the power to create narrative change either choose to avoid a topic that could cost them currency, or, worse, they actively contribute to the culture of regression because that offers a path to popularity. The biggest obstacle, however, is the stance of parents, who have become the worst gatekeepers of toxic repression.</h1>
<h1 class="left">“I was brought up in an orthodox household where everything was restricted –talking to boys, and watching TV. Whenever I wore lipstick or used nail polish I was told that I looked like a whore. I could never even wear my favourite jasmine flowers because they said only whores wear them. To the world, they made themselves out to be the best parents who brought up their child in a sheltered environment. I grew up to find myself afflicted with Vaginismus which has taken years to resolve.”</h1>
<h1 class="left">Instead of fostering open conversations about emotional interactions, boundaries and autonomy, the pattern is to keep daughters deliberately ignorant under the illusion that it preserves their “value” in marriage-driven cultures. It is a combination of these attitudes that has fostered an environment of violence, aggression and dismissiveness when it comes to how we treat women.</h1>
<h1 class="centre">The Pleasure Gap</h1>
<h1 class="centre">A UK-based BBC producer invited me onto her podcast recently and shared a baffling statistic from a survey claiming that highly religious women in India report the highest sexual satisfaction. I have no idea what the survey could have been based on, or if women were even involved in getting the data. My only interpretation is that faith in divine intent fosters acceptance, leading them to believe they are fulfilled. The above survey notwithstanding, the pleasure gap is very real.</h1>
<h1 class="centre">This disgustingly misogynistic yet very common remark in my comment section reflects a disturbing reality, where for many men, sexual pleasure is a male privilege while a woman needs to feel pain as proof of her purity. The idea of taking time to arouse, comfort, or care for her is not considered a priority. In the land of the Kama Sutra, a text that once linked a woman’s pleasure to cosmic balance, virginity myths now dictate that pain is mandatory for marital acceptability.</h1>
<h1 class="centre">Sexuality Counsellor Pallavi Barnwal of the few people tackling this at the root with online ‘yoni love’ masterclasses aimed at helping her female clients overcome sexual shame and reconnect to their sexuality. According to Barnwal “lack of sex education and destructive parental influence causes young women to grow up with so much baggage around their sexuality that it needs a very different type of intervention than just conversation.”</h1>
<h1 class="right">The Baggage of Myths</h1>
<h1 class="right">Typically a repressive narrative fuels silence and a severe lack of reliable information while allowing myths and misconceptions to flourish, slowing the process of learning by forcing educators to dismantle falsehoods before being able to offer even the most basic of facts.</h1>
<h1 class="right">“The vast majority of people just want basic literacy about their body, something as simple as why nightfall happens,” says Dr. Tanaya Narendra, better known on social media as Dr. Cuterus. “Or if they have smaller breasts they might not be able to breastfeed because a common misconception, particularly in North India, is that small breasts mean not enough gland tissue so your baby will be underfed!”</h1>
<h1 class="right">The conversations we have started online have certainly shifted the landscape. “But I think this is one place where the medical fraternity still needs to catch up, to provide the access, services and expertise that is needed for the issues that we are seeing,” she adds.</h1>
<h1 class="centre">The Revolution is Here</h1>
<h1 class="centre">Despite it all, there is a growing appetite for learning and change, an undeniable push to reshape the conversation around sexual health and pleasure.</h1>
<h1 class="centre">Leeza Mangaldas, founder of Indian sex toy brand @LeezuLove asserts that “despite India’s reputation as a conservative society… privately, of course, everyone wants orgasms. If the demand for our pleasure products at Leezu’s and the messages about how imaginatively they were put to use are anything to go by, we are all much more curious and creative, sexually, than we let on publicly.”</h1>
<h1 class="centre">According to Mangaldas, 60% of their customers are from smaller towns, where perhaps because of limited access and availability of partners and events, internet sites and e-commerce platforms provide much-needed anonymity.</h1>
<h1 class="centre">“Purchases to do with sex and pleasure… remain seen as something men should take charge of. Women buying toys for themselves is the demographic I’m personally most excited to see growing. Because it is so profoundly life-altering as a woman to be able to discard the shame you’ve been conditioned to feel around your sexuality and desire, and to be able to take charge of your own pleasure in this way,” says Mangaldas. “My hope is for sex toys and lube to become as widely available, as affordable, and as de-stigmatised as any other everyday wellness item,” she adds.</h1>
<h1 class="left">What did the Kama Sutra Say?</h1>
<h1 class="left">For my part in the pleasure revolution, I’ve teamed up with LA-based sexologist Shan Boodram to create a line of lovemaking jewellery inspired by the Kama Sutra.</h1>
<h1 class="left">In stark contrast to the frenzied, mechanical movements portrayed in porn the Kama Sutra guides lovers to master the movements of each position with the aid of specific pieces of jewellery. For example, a woman taking her position on top would wear a jingling girdle with lots of bells around her upper waist and focus on stilling the sound of the bells, which in turn would ensure her movements were precise and controlled. Unlike the exaggerated penetration seen in modern porn, true pleasure required deliberate, fluid hip movements—subtle back-and-forth and circular motions that enhanced sensation. Long earrings, swaying gently against the cheeks, helped set the rhythm, providing a tactile guide to the pace of thrusting. Because lovemaking is akin to a cosmic dance, flowing in harmony with the rhythms of energy.</h1>
<h1 class="left">For some people a toy is the easiest thing, others need to engage their minds.</h1>
<h1 class="left">And when it comes to pleasure the more choice the better.</h1>
<h1 class="right">Alternative Sexualities</h1>
<h1 class="right">“Today”, he said</h1>
<h1 class="right">“I’ll be the woman</h1>
<h1 class="right">And you be the man.”</h1>
<h1 class="right">“No way,” she demurred,</h1>
<h1 class="right">Shaking her head resolutely</h1>
<h1 class="right">But quickly</h1>
<h1 class="right">Slipped off her bangles</h1>
<h1 class="right">From her hand to his.</h1>
<h1 class="right">[13th ce CE]</h1>
<h1 class="right">For a culture that rejects colonial influence, we cling tightly to colonial values, particularly our reluctance to accept queerness, which has been a persistent challenge in sexual health education. Sexual health expert Dr. Varuna Srinivasan says, “The conversation around bisexuality often gets caught between erasure and hyper-sexualization. There’s this persistent myth that bisexuality is just a phase or that bisexual individuals are somehow ‘confused’.” The bigger problem, Srinivasan feels, is that these “cultural taboos” create the kind of fear and division that is making it impossible, especially for women and queer people, to seek the medical care they need.</h1>
<h1 class="right">Facing what she calls “well-meaning but misguided concerns about ‘corrupting Indian values’ to ‘outright hostility’ Dr. Srinivasan founded My Fluid Health @FluidHealth as a judgement-free space where the community could reach out for health help.“Our app connects individuals experiencing pelvic pain with sex therapists, creating an explicitly inclusive space that acknowledges all sexual orientations and gender identities. This isn’t just about representation; it’s about survival and access to care.”</h1>
<h1 class="left">A Long Way to Go</h1>
<h1 class="left">In the strangest turn of events we, the people who wrote the KamaSutra, today have far more access to porn (often from free streaming sites, arguably the worst of its kind) making it our default sex-ed platform. And based on images from the films, the main question becomes, “How can I last longer?”</h1>
<h1 class="left">I felt it was time to ask the experts.</h1>
<h1 class="left">Sitting in her very exciting headquarters in Barcelona, Erika of Erika Lust Films, an ethical adult intimacy platform explained that while editing definitely plays a role, performers also undergo rigorous preparation. They train their bodies to perform extended sex scenes under the pressure of lights, cameras, and a full crew. Many follow strict diets before and after filming to ensure the right kind of blood supply to the genitalia while also regularly practising breathwork to control physical responses and meditating to enhance self-discipline.</h1>
<h1 class="left">Good sex is a skill, one that requires practice, patience, and mindfulness. Unfortunately, most porn viewers see only the fantasy, ignoring the effort and preparation behind it, because acknowledging that one must “work” at it is a libido killer.</h1>
<h1 class="centre">Battling Censorship</h1>
<h1 class="centre">Resources are available but on shaky ground.</h1>
<h1 class="centre">In 2022, the Berlin-based think tank Polis 180 introduced OnlyBans, an online game highlighting social media censorship. Players assume the roles of sex workers trying to build an online fan base by posting erotic content, the challenge is to see how long before the algorithm shuts you down.</h1>
<h1 class="centre">Social media has its banes and boons. While enabling unprecedented outreach there is also the relentless challenge of battling the censorship algorithms that have us under constant threat of being blocked or deleted, which has us self-censoring which in turn means that far less is being offered to the audiences than could be.</h1>
<h1 class="centre">For instance, my next planned video is a guide to “squirting’, an aspect of the pleasure journey that many women are eager to explore but receive no guidance, with New Zealand-based academic, sex worker and porn performer Dr Zahra Stardust. However, I’m well aware it will likely be taken down almost as soon as it goes up.</h1>
<h1 class="centre">We have the knowledge and resources, much of it free, to create a healthier landscape for sexual pleasure From Instagramer @VulvaCasting helping normalise diverse vulva shapes, to veteran filmmaker Cindy Gallop’s platform #MakeLoveNotPorn who is challenging the mechanical, transactional and dehumanising narrative in mainstream porn to countless urologists, gynaecologists, and pelvic floor experts who are prepared to provide vital information for free. There are local initiatives and NGOs like Pratisandhi or Iesha Learning that are developing contextualised sex-ed resources designed specifically for Indian audiences.</h1>
<h1 class="centre">However with the constant platform crackdowns, one is always on edge, never knowing when the next ban will hit. In spite of this, the momentum for change is undeniable as the conversation around sexual health in India expands beyond just risk and reproduction. There is a growing movement toward embracing pleasure, autonomy, and informed choice - values that could reshape the sexual landscape for the better.</h1>
<h1 class="left">Credits:</h1>
<h1 class="left">Editor-in-Chief: Kshitij Kankaria</h1>
<h1 class="left">Words by: Seema Anand</h1>
<h1 class="left">Digital Editor: Shriya Zamindar</h1>
<h1 class="left">Managing Editor: Anurag Sharma</h1>
<h1 class="left">Art Director: Tia Chinai</h1>
<h1 class="left">Graphic Designer: Rishika Sikder</h1>
<h1 class="full">In 2023, I made a video arguing that ‘sexy clothes’ do not make women ‘fair game’. The backlash was staggering. My social media analytics recorded 1.8 million messages that week, most of which were gender-specific abusive and threatening messages, an average of approximately 2,58,000 threats and slurs per day. In India, discussions around consent and bodily autonomy are even more contentious than the already-taboo topics of sex and pleasure, because these concepts challenge existing power dynamics, shifting control away from entrenched patriarchy and demanding greater accountability from men.</h1>
<h1 class="full">One of my biggest challenges has been in encouraging women, conditioned to suppress their needs, to join the conversation around consent and pleasure. For instance, many women admit to /secretly consuming my content on social media but avoid openly following or commenting for fear of being perceived as ‘sluts.’ In exercising and asserting their sexual agency, there is still an ingrained fear that perhaps this is ‘against our culture,’ rendering the abuse valid. This is still a society where coarse, graphic, innuendo-laden humour is somewhat acceptable, but a serious conversation about pleasure is unacceptable.</h1>
<h1 class="full">The field of sex education is almost exclusively female-led, with no prominent male influencers explicitly building awareness, enhancing pleasure, and promoting safety. Even men with insulated, large platforms and the power to create narrative change either choose to avoid a topic that could cost them currency, or, worse, they actively contribute to the culture of regression because that offers a path to popularity. The biggest obstacle, however, is the stance of parents, who have become the worst gatekeepers of toxic repression.</h1>
<h1 class="full">“I was brought up in an orthodox household where everything was restricted –talking to boys, and watching TV. Whenever I wore lipstick or used nail polish I was told that I looked like a whore. I could never even wear my favourite jasmine flowers because they said only whores wear them. To the world, they made themselves out to be the best parents who brought up their child in a sheltered environment. I grew up to find myself afflicted with Vaginismus which has taken years to resolve.”</h1>
<h1 class="full">Instead of fostering open conversations about emotional interactions, boundaries and autonomy, the pattern is to keep daughters deliberately ignorant under the illusion that it preserves their “value” in marriage-driven cultures. It is a combination of these attitudes that has fostered an environment of violence, aggression and dismissiveness when it comes to how we treat women.</h1>
<h1 class="full">The Pleasure Gap</h1>
<h1 class="full">A UK-based BBC producer invited me onto her podcast recently and shared a baffling statistic from a survey claiming that highly religious women in India report the highest sexual satisfaction. I have no idea what the survey could have been based on, or if women were even involved in getting the data. My only interpretation is that faith in divine intent fosters acceptance, leading them to believe they are fulfilled. The above survey notwithstanding, the pleasure gap is very real.</h1>
<h1 class="full">This disgustingly misogynistic yet very common remark in my comment section reflects a disturbing reality, where for many men, sexual pleasure is a male privilege while a woman needs to feel pain as proof of her purity. The idea of taking time to arouse, comfort, or care for her is not considered a priority. In the land of the Kama Sutra, a text that once linked a woman’s pleasure to cosmic balance, virginity myths now dictate that pain is mandatory for marital acceptability.</h1>
<h1 class="full">Sexuality Counsellor is one of the few people tackling this at the root with online ‘yoni love’ masterclasses aimed at helping her female clients overcome sexual shame and reconnect to their sexuality. According to Barnwal “lack of sex education and destructive parental influence causes young women to grow up with so much baggage around their sexuality that it needs a very different type of intervention than just conversation.”</h1>
<h1 class="full">The Baggage of Myths</h1>
<h1 class="full">Typically a repressive narrative fuels silence and a severe lack of reliable information while allowing myths and misconceptions to flourish, slowing the process of learning by forcing educators to dismantle falsehoods before being able to offer even the most basic of facts.</h1>
<h1 class="full">“The vast majority of people just want basic literacy about their body, something as simple as why nightfall happens,” says Dr. Tanaya Narendra, better known on social media as Dr. Cuterus. “Or if they have smaller breasts they might not be able to breastfeed because a common misconception, particularly in North India, is that small breasts mean not enough gland tissue so your baby will be underfed!”</h1>
<h1 class="full">The conversations we have started online have certainly shifted the landscape. “But I think this is one place where the medical fraternity still needs to catch up, to provide the access, services and expertise that is needed for the issues that we are seeing,” she adds.</h1>
<h1 class="full">The Revolution is Here</h1>
<h1 class="full">Despite it all, there is a growing appetite for learning and change, an undeniable push to reshape the conversation around sexual health and pleasure.</h1>
<h1 class="full">Leeza Mangaldas, founder of Indian sex toy brand @LeezuLove asserts that “despite India’s reputation as a conservative society… privately, of course, everyone wants orgasms. If the demand for our pleasure products at Leezu’s and the messages about how imaginatively they were put to use are anything to go by, we are all much more curious and creative, sexually, than we let on publicly.”</h1>
<h1 class="full">According to Mangaldas, 60% of their customers are from smaller towns, where perhaps because of limited access and availability of partners and events, internet sites and e-commerce platforms provide much-needed anonymity.</h1>
<h1 class="full">“Purchases to do with sex and pleasure… remain seen as something men should take charge of. Women buying toys for themselves is the demographic I’m personally most excited to see growing. Because it is so profoundly life-altering as a woman to be able to discard the shame you’ve been conditioned to feel around your sexuality and desire, and to be able to take charge of your own pleasure in this way,” says Mangaldas. “My hope is for sex toys and lube to become as widely available, as affordable, and as de-stigmatised as any other everyday wellness item,” she adds.</h1>
<h1 class="full">What did the Kama Sutra Say?</h1>
<h1 class="full">For my part in the pleasure revolution, I’ve teamed up with LA-based sexologist Shan Boodram to create a line of lovemaking jewellery inspired by the Kama Sutra.</h1>
<h1 class="full">In stark contrast to the frenzied, mechanical movements portrayed in porn the Kama Sutra guides lovers to master the movements of each position with the aid of specific pieces of jewellery. For example, a woman taking her position on top would wear a jingling girdle with lots of bells around her upper waist and focus on stilling the sound of the bells, which in turn would ensure her movements were precise and controlled. Unlike the exaggerated penetration seen in modern porn, true pleasure required deliberate, fluid hip movements—subtle back-and-forth and circular motions that enhanced sensation. Long earrings, swaying gently against the cheeks, helped set the rhythm, providing a tactile guide to the pace of thrusting. Because lovemaking is akin to a cosmic dance, flowing in harmony with the rhythms of energy.</h1>
<h1 class="full">For some people a toy is the easiest thing, others need to engage their minds.</h1>
<h1 class="full">And when it comes to pleasure the more choice the better.</h1>
<h1 class="full">Alternative Sexualities</h1>
<h1 class="full">“Today”, he said</h1>
<h1 class="full">“I’ll be the woman</h1>
<h1 class="full">And you be the man.”</h1>
<h1 class="full">“No way,” she demurred,</h1>
<h1 class="full">Shaking her head resolutely</h1>
<h1 class="full">But quickly</h1>
<h1 class="full">Slipped off her bangles</h1>
<h1 class="full">From her hand to his.</h1>
<h1 class="full">[13th ce CE]</h1>
<h1 class="full">For a culture that rejects colonial influence, we cling tightly to colonial values, particularly our reluctance to accept queerness, which has been a persistent challenge in sexual health education. Sexual health expert Dr. Varuna Srinivasan says, “The conversation around bisexuality often gets caught between erasure and hyper-sexualization. There’s this persistent myth that bisexuality is just a phase or that bisexual individuals are somehow ‘confused’.” The bigger problem, Srinivasan feels, is that these “cultural taboos” create the kind of fear and division that is making it impossible, especially for women and queer people, to seek the medical care they need.</h1>
<h1 class="full">Facing what she calls “well-meaning but misguided concerns about ‘corrupting Indian values’ to ‘outright hostility’ Dr. Srinivasan founded My Fluid Health @FluidHealth as a judgement-free space where the community could reach out for health help.“Our app connects individuals experiencing pelvic pain with sex therapists, creating an explicitly inclusive space that acknowledges all sexual orientations and gender identities. This isn’t just about representation; it’s about survival and access to care.”</h1>
<h1 class="full">A Long Way to Go</h1>
<h1 class="full">In the strangest turn of events we, the people who wrote the KamaSutra, today have far more access to porn (often from free streaming sites, arguably the worst of its kind) making it our default sex-ed platform. And based on images from the films, the main question becomes, “How can I last longer?”</h1>
<h1 class="full">I felt it was time to ask the experts.</h1>
<h1 class="full">Sitting in her very exciting headquarters in Barcelona, Erika of Erika Lust Films, an ethical adult intimacy platform explained that while editing definitely plays a role, performers also undergo rigorous preparation. They train their bodies to perform extended sex scenes under the pressure of lights, cameras, and a full crew. Many follow strict diets before and after filming to ensure the right kind of blood supply to the genitalia while also regularly practising breathwork to control physical responses and meditating to enhance self-discipline.</h1>
<h1 class="full">Good sex is a skill, one that requires practice, patience, and mindfulness. Unfortunately, most porn viewers see only the fantasy, ignoring the effort and preparation behind it, because acknowledging that one must “work” at it is a libido killer.</h1>
<h1 class="full">Battling Censorship</h1>
<h1 class="full">Resources are available but on shaky ground.</h1>
<h1 class="full">In 2022, the Berlin-based think tank Polis 180 introduced OnlyBans, an online game highlighting social media censorship. Players assume the roles of sex workers trying to build an online fan base by posting erotic content, the challenge is to see how long before the algorithm shuts you down.</h1>
<h1 class="full">Social media has its banes and boons. While enabling unprecedented outreach there is also the relentless challenge of battling the censorship algorithms that have us under constant threat of being blocked or deleted, which has us self-censoring which in turn means that far less is being offered to the audiences than could be.</h1>
<h1 class="full">For instance, my next planned video is a guide to “squirting’, an aspect of the pleasure journey that many women are eager to explore but receive no guidance, with New Zealand-based academic, sex worker and porn performer Dr Zahra Stardust. However, I’m well aware it will likely be taken down almost as soon as it goes up.</h1>
<h1 class="full">We have the knowledge and resources, much of it free, to create a healthier landscape for sexual pleasure From Instagramer @VulvaCasting helping normalise diverse vulva shapes, to veteran filmmaker Cindy Gallop’s platform #MakeLoveNotPorn who is challenging the mechanical, transactional and dehumanising narrative in mainstream porn to countless urologists, gynaecologists, and pelvic floor experts who are prepared to provide vital information for free. There are local initiatives and NGOs like Pratisandhi or Iesha Learning that are developing contextualised sex-ed resources designed specifically for Indian audiences.</h1>
<h1 class="full">However with the constant platform crackdowns, one is always on edge, never knowing when the next ban will hit. In spite of this, the momentum for change is undeniable as the conversation around sexual health in India expands beyond just risk and reproduction. There is a growing movement toward embracing pleasure, autonomy, and informed choice - values that could reshape the sexual landscape for the better.</h1>
<h1 class="full">Credits:</h1>
<h1 class="full">Editor-in-Chief: Kshitij Kankaria</h1>
<h1 class="full">Words by: Seema Anand</h1>
<h1 class="full">Digital Editor: Shriya Zamindar</h1>
<h1 class="full">Managing Editor: Anurag Sharma</h1>
<h1 class="full">Art Director: Tia Chinai</h1>
<h1 class="full">Graphic Designer: Rishika Sikder</h1>